Before my bat-mitzvah, I attended 4 years of rigorous
religious school where I was taught not only the Hebrew letters I would need to
recite at my coming-of-age ceremony, but also the allegories of the old
testament. Although Noah and the flood
will always be my favorite tale (seriously, two of every animal on one
boat…could it get much better?), the creation story has always intrigued me.
While I'm not totally sold that we went from the creation of
water to the creation of living creatures in 72 hours, I find the story rather applicable
to my every day life—each and every day I work towards creating the body of my
dreams. Similar to the creation of our
Earth, each day must add something different to produce what I like to call the
Frankenstein’s monster of perfect bodies (see “Dumbbell Blonde” post). I’m not sure if our creator had Jennifer
Aniston’s flawlessly toned body in mind when she (yes, I said “she”…I went to
an all girls’ school) gave Eve a rib from Adam, but the lack of bones would
explain how Jen stays so thin.
Regardless, mixing up your routine is crucial for the
creation of your perfect body. If you do the same thing everyday, your body
plateaus and you stop seeing results.
Imagine if God just created light every single one of the seven
days—Earth would look like NeNe Leaks’ hyper-whitened smile on steroids. No thank you.
In order to fully illustrate how to create the bod of your dreams, I
have decided to write my own testament: The HHH Bible.
I haven’t fully hashed out all the details, or if it will
read right to left (like the Torah) or left to right, but the intro starts off
with the Creation story—that is, of a hot body.
On the first day, the fitness gods declared, “Let there be
running”. There is really no better way
to start your week off than with a run, getting the benefits of all-over toning
and great cardio.
On the second day, the fitness gods created strength
training (Dumbbell Blonde routine anyone?).
Read my post “Dumbbell Blonde” to understand the importance of weights
in the creation story.
On the third day, the fitness gods exclaimed, “Let there be
high-intensity training with plyometrics i.e. ‘Insanity,’ Cardio Kickboxing,
Tabata, etc!”
“P.S.,”
they also said, “Happy Healthy Hannah will be posting a routine shortly!”
On the fourth day, the fitness gods were like “Hey, that
Dumbbell Blonde routine was pretty sick, do that shiz again.”
On the fifth day, the fitness gods created spin. Motivational spin instructors and peer
support is the perfect combo for a calorie-torching heaven.
On the sixth day, the fitness gods were like, “No seriously,
do that Dumbbell Blonde routine again, your muscles are looking fierce gurl.”
And finally, on the seventh day, the fitness gods created
rest. Rest is arguably the most
important part of every workout regimen.
Your body needs time to heal and rebuild so that you can mix it up each
day and work towards creating your foine body all over again tomorrow.
So change up your routine, see results, and you eat dat
apple gurl…it’s high in fiber and plus, a life without sin would be pretty
frickin’ boring.
