Monday, July 1, 2013

The HHH Bible

Before my bat-mitzvah, I attended 4 years of rigorous religious school where I was taught not only the Hebrew letters I would need to recite at my coming-of-age ceremony, but also the allegories of the old testament.  Although Noah and the flood will always be my favorite tale (seriously, two of every animal on one boat…could it get much better?), the creation story has always intrigued me. 

While I'm not totally sold that we went from the creation of water to the creation of living creatures in 72 hours, I find the story rather applicable to my every day life—each and every day I work towards creating the body of my dreams.  Similar to the creation of our Earth, each day must add something different to produce what I like to call the Frankenstein’s monster of perfect bodies (see “Dumbbell Blonde” post).  I’m not sure if our creator had Jennifer Aniston’s flawlessly toned body in mind when she (yes, I said “she”…I went to an all girls’ school) gave Eve a rib from Adam, but the lack of bones would explain how Jen stays so thin.

Regardless, mixing up your routine is crucial for the creation of your perfect body.  If you do the same thing everyday, your body plateaus and you stop seeing results.  Imagine if God just created light every single one of the seven days—Earth would look like NeNe Leaks’ hyper-whitened smile on steroids.  No thank you.  In order to fully illustrate how to create the bod of your dreams, I have decided to write my own testament: The HHH Bible. 

I haven’t fully hashed out all the details, or if it will read right to left (like the Torah) or left to right, but the intro starts off with the Creation story—that is, of a hot body.

On the first day, the fitness gods declared, “Let there be running”.  There is really no better way to start your week off than with a run, getting the benefits of all-over toning and great cardio.

On the second day, the fitness gods created strength training (Dumbbell Blonde routine anyone?).  Read my post “Dumbbell Blonde” to understand the importance of weights in the creation story.

On the third day, the fitness gods exclaimed, “Let there be high-intensity training with plyometrics i.e. ‘Insanity,’ Cardio Kickboxing, Tabata, etc!” 
            “P.S.,” they also said, “Happy Healthy Hannah will be posting a routine shortly!”

On the fourth day, the fitness gods were like “Hey, that Dumbbell Blonde routine was pretty sick, do that shiz again.”

On the fifth day, the fitness gods created spin.  Motivational spin instructors and peer support is the perfect combo for a calorie-torching heaven.

On the sixth day, the fitness gods were like, “No seriously, do that Dumbbell Blonde routine again, your muscles are looking fierce gurl.”

And finally, on the seventh day, the fitness gods created rest.  Rest is arguably the most important part of every workout regimen.  Your body needs time to heal and rebuild so that you can mix it up each day and work towards creating your foine body all over again tomorrow.

So change up your routine, see results, and you eat dat apple gurl…it’s high in fiber and plus, a life without sin would be pretty frickin’ boring.

No comments:

Post a Comment